why i buy

Seriously, another pair of jeans!

If you have ever seen my closet, it is no surprise I enjoy shopping. Sale racks, BOGO, free with purchase= adrenaline overload. But I also savor a good purge. In fact, my donations in the last year could probably clothe a small village. I might even like the clean out better than the hunt, so why do my empty drawers fill up?

I started to think about all of the "needs" that acquiring stuff fulfills in my life. Sometimes the needs are legitimate and other times frivolous (gratuitous wants) or unconscious (autopilot). So I broke my spending down into major categories and took a closer look.

For me it was about discovering some of my collecting habits and examining my relationship with stuff. I analyzed my spending patterns and pondered the reasons I hold onto some things and cycle through others.

general habits:

I have always been a price conscious shopper and I tend to buy items within or below my means. I am not overly sentimental about stuff (this has not always been the case), but I've noticed the desire to be "prepared" precipitates a lot of my acquisition. I tend to come home with items that were not on the list. I have been known to keep clothes I am unhappy with "in case I change my mind." I am often indecisive and I over think simple things.

initial diagnosis:
I am not a compulsive spender but I am insistent on having "options." I try to purchase with intention, but I can't always resist shiny things. ...but let me break it down.

••••

CLOTHING

reasons for buying

•• need/love/want •• makeover syndrome •• a "reward" •• a gift card to use •• esteem booster •• indecisiveness (i like both colors) •• preparedness (think LBD and khakis...i own both and use neither) •• too lazy to remix •• identity crisis •• free shipping •• distraction from undesirable things •• dangerous browsing •• fear (someone else will get it) •• to have options •• "impassable" deals •• settling/exasperation (it's "good enough") •• a self pity prize •• supports a lifestyle change •• activity specific gear

reasons for keeping

•• need/love/want •• just in case •• i wore it when... •• i'll get it mended •• i get compliments •• it's a "basic/staple" •• i want to like it •• everyone has one •• fear of regret •• stashed away and forgotten •• sentimentality •• laziness •• i just need to break them in (painful shoes) •• it was expensive

FOOD

reasons for buying

•• need/love/want •• to have options •• time crunch (robo-shopping) •• hungry shopping •• pretty packaging •• stockpile syndrome •• it's new •• no inventory •• it was recommended ••laziness (just drop it in the cart) •• new recipe •• preparedness (you can never have too many cans of mandarin oranges, right?) •• emotional association •• lifestyle changes •• it's chocolate

reasons for keeping

•• need/love/want •• it hasn't expired •• i'll use it later •• guilt (some people don't have food) •• fear of being wasteful •• didn't realize i already had one •• sentimentality (the wedding topper) •• it's frozen (that lasts forever, right?) •• don't know how old it is •• crowded fridge/shelf •• laziness •• it smells ok

GIFTS

reasons for buying

•• need/love/want •• it was on sale •• inspire cheer •• sentimentality •• projection of wants/needs/ideals onto others •• force change on others (like the awful dresser) •• preparedness/stockpile (that last minute baby shower) •• to gain praise •• love the challenge •• love surprising/treating others

reasons for keeping

•• need/love/want •• guilt •• sentimentality •• demonstration of appreciation •• avoidance •• intention of re-gifting •• gift overload (like holidays) •• i want to like it •• represents a lifestyle

HOME DECOR

reasons for buying
•• need/love/want •• inspiration •• represents a lifestyle •• eager to move forward now •• escape •• creative distraction •• love of beautiful things •• identity •• perfectionism (trying to get it "right")

reason for keeping

•• need/love/want •• indecisiveness (in case i change my mind) •• options •• representative of my creativity/style •• familiarity (it's ours)

BEAUTY PRODUCTS

reasons for buying
•• need/love/want •• lifestyle change •• self esteem boost •• unhappiness with current •• pretty packaging •• often inexpensive •• i get one free (like chapstick) •• swindling by promises •• "reward/treat" •• recommendation •• curiosity •• vanity

reasons for keeping

•• need/love/want •• it was expensive •• fear of wastefulness •• i want to like it •• representative of hope/miracle •• guilt •• immortalizing discontinued products •• intention to give it away

DIGITAL STUFF

reasons for accumulating

•• need/love/want •• everything is digital (like all of our bills) •• indecision (i want to keep all 2000 photos of the grand canyon) •• instantaneous communication •• simplicity

reasons for keeping

•• need/love/want •• it doesn't occupy physical space •• preparedness •• laziness •• clutter is still searchable (hello, keyword) •• overwhelming volume to delete/organize •• freedom (where else can i hoard without major consequences)

••••

What this exercise reveals to me is that I follow purchasing and retaining scripts. Needs, loves and wants are commonly involved in my decision process, but unconscious cues drive my habits as well. I guess think about stuff a lot more than I realize.

on panic purchasing

Although I have good intentions, I worry I will make the wrong decision and regret it. In the scheme of things though, the choice (and outcome) is usually pretty insignificant. And too much at once makes it impossible to really enjoy any individual item anyway. Gathering becomes a mere goal to achieve instead of an opportunity to appreciate deliberate purchases. I need to give myself time to enjoy things before moving on to the next conquest/wishlist.

on justifications for keeping

I keep things for many reasons, but it seems like guilt, the need to feel prepared, and indecision are a few prime culprits. Indecision is the most stressful because it causes me to put things off for later. Though I am always hopeful/motivated about the future, I need to make choices in the present and stop projecting unrealistic goals ahead of myself.

on guilty purging

I am often at conflict with stuff because I idealize two disparate values at the same time: I want to streamline AND I want to enjoy my things. Here is where guilt divides me. There are some things I own that I never use and I don't particularly like--keeping those items incites guilt. There are also things that I love and use but their volume conflicts with the streamline desire---keeping those items also incites guilt. Tossing things I love and use (especially things that haven't cause financial, emotional, or physical strain) seems wasteful. Guilty purging often pushes me into emotional bing shopping. I feel compelled to fill a void.

on reframing
Surely my conflict can be resolved, and I suspect it is just a matter of practicing new habits and allowing myself to slip up on occasion without harsh recourse. My problem has been mistaking the thing (or the lack of the thing) for the change.....because it is a tangible representation. If I dress this way, I am now this person. If I get rid of those things, I no longer like to shop. If I decorate my space, apartment living will be fulfilling. My relationship with stuff may also be indicative of greater tendencies and insecurities.

While I was working on this entry, I discovered Dr. Robin Zasio's The Hoarder in You and downloaded it. Her book examines the hunter-gatherer tendencies in all of us, and explores how these tendencies impact our lives. She takes an honest look at human relationships with stuff (clutter in particular). Her chapter on acquiring (ch 6) made me recognize some of the shopping traps I fall into.

NEXT UP > STEP 2: Gameplan

MY STARTING POINT
note from (future) self 2012